I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, not since you replaced me with that new tri-fold last Christmas. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a little bitter. I wasted a lot of time being angry with you after you put me in this drawer. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t want me anymore. I’d held gift cards, coupons, phone numbers and insurance information. I had been full and I had been empty. I held the condom that shielded you as you lost your virginity. Of course, that was before you took that health class where they told you to keep them somewhere else. Still, better than nothing, right? I’d never lost a single dollar and I remembered you saying that sitting never felt right unless I was in your pocket. You never forgot me. You didn’t like leaving the house without me.
I felt used when you put me here. What use was an old wallet? You’d stretched me out till I couldn’t hold a driver’s license without three credit cards and a twice-used gym membership to keep everything in. You’d pushed me to hold more than you needed. I didn’t like carrying all that. It did unflattering things to my figure but you make sacrifices for the ones you care about, don’t you?
And so, when you locked me away, I raged. I threw out things you once given me and lied that I didn’t know where they were. I spent my evenings in the intimacy of magnates and even scratched myself against loose thumbtacks, just to feel something. I went to a dark place. I’m not proud.
I’m ashamed to admit that when you opened your nightstand, I nearly unfolded at the sight of you. I’d dreamed about that moment, when you would yank the drawer and pull me out. Put your life back inside me and whisper that you were a fool to trust another. When you’d keep me warm, pressed against you and I’d know that everything would be all right.
You don’t need to tell me how pathetic that is. I already know.
When the moment finally came, you didn’t even look at me. I’m not sure you even recognized me. You grabbed a handful of batteries and closed the drawer, returning me to darkness. That’s when I knew things would never be like they were between us. Maybe that’s for the best.
I want you to know that you didn’t break me. I made my way to a Thrift store. Not the most glorious of new beginnings, but it’s honest. I spent weeks on the shelf, got picked up and put back a few times, but I didn’t let it keep me down. I knew that a fresh start takes time. I found a leather treatment kit and started working on myself. For the first time in ages, I felt confident. I knew that I could take care of myself. It was then that I met someone new. He treats me the way you used to, like something of value. I have a purpose again. I don’t expect you to understand how important that is, but to someone who’s been cast aside, it’s everything.
I’m writing because I want you to know what happened to me. I want you to treat that tri-fold with respect and on the off chance you do think of me from time to time, I want you to know I’m ok.
Sometimes late at night when I’m on a new nightstand, my dreams go backwards and I think about the time we spent together, the good and the bad. I think about the factory where I was sewn and the tannery where I was leathered. Then my dreams take a strange turn and I’m on the back of a spotted animal, grazing in a field of green with nothing but the sun and sky above me. I don’t know what these dreams mean. Perhaps that’s what heaven looks like and we who live will never know.
-Your Old Wallet